Donnie’s In Love

It was late at night and I was home alone watching a movie, when the text came in.

Back to the Future, if you must know--the movie I was watching, that is. Sad to say—it didn’t stand the test of time. Another topic for another day. So, focus, Benny, focus.

Where was I? Oh, yes…

The text from my dear friend, Adolfo, said…

“Trump blew Bubba. Lmfao. Did you see that one cumming?! Get it? Lol.”

Not knowing what he was talking about, I paused the movie and called him, starting a conversation that went like this…

You don’t know?

I don’t know…

WTF, Benny. How can you not know about this? It’s all over the internet. Are you hiding under a rock?

And with that burst of mocking sarcasm I learned what apparently everyone else in the internet following universe had known for hours…

In the treasure trove of Epstein texts and emails recently released by congress was this exchange from 2018 between the brothers Epstein—Mark & Jeffrey—regarding Trump and Steve Bannon.

Starting with Mark…

“What is your boy Donald up to now?

And moving to Jeffrey…

“All good” adding that he, Jeffrey, was with Steve Bannon.

Pause to think about that. Epstein, the man MAGA loves to hate, was hanging out with the man who basically invented MAGA! C’mon, MAGA, admit—you’ve been duped.

Now back to Mark’s reply to his brother, Jeffrey…

“Ask him if Putin has the photos of Trump blowing Bubba?“

Sparking Jeffrey to write…

“And I thought I had tsuris”.

(That’s the Yiddish word for trouble.)

Culminating in this wisecrack from Mark…

“You and your boy Donnie can make a remake of Get Hard.”

Get Hard flunked the test of time from the moment it came out…

Anyhow…

By the time Adolfo texted me, the Epstein brothers' exchange had been viral for hours and the internet was rife with speculation that Bubba had to be Bill Clinton—who else? As political wiseacres of all persuasions churned out memes of Trump going down on Bill. 

Only in America, my friends…

And this brings me to what I really want to discuss—finally. Which is…

How can I—Mr I know everything about politics—have been so unaware of the hottest political story of the day?

And here I must throw the mainstream media under the bus. Because…

It’s not my fault! Blame it on the New York Times. They didn’t report it. And as one of the last of the Boomers who still gets his news from mainstream sources, well…

If the mainstreams don’t write about it, I won’t know about it. Until any one of a number of my obsessively internet-watching friends clues me in. Thanks to all of you.

And by the time Adolfo texted me his joke, the mainstreams had still not reported on blowjobgate–despite the surging internet interest. 

I don't know how or why Mainstream America’s editors talked themselves into not covering a red-hot story that untold millions were laughing at and obsessing over. Consider that a topic for a journalism-school symposium on how the mainstreams are determined to remain irrelevant.

In the aftermath, Mark Epstein issued a clarification along the lines of…

The Bubba in question is not Bill Clinton.

OK—if you say so. 

As far as I can tell, the New York Times didn’t report on Mark Epstein’s clarification. Can’t say I’m surprised—it’s hard to update a story you never covered in the first place.